by Julia Austin

Many of the things we get upset about aren’t real problems. They’re just less-great versions of how we wanted a situation to go. When you think of it that way, anger starts to feel pretty silly.

 

Explain yourself and remove yourself

It’s OK if people around you know you’re about to lose your temper. Sometimes you don’t have the patience to make up an excuse to leave. Try saying, “I feel like I might say something I regret right now and I need to step outside.” People will respect that you protected them from your temper tantrum. Trying to hide it or answer their questions about your reason for leaving could just egg on your tantrum.

Jog to angry/emotional music

Going for a jog while listening to music that matches your emotion does several things: 1) It gets your blood pumping, sending energy away from your head (where it’s all congested when you’re angry) and into your body. 2) It makes you feel empathized with because the musician/vocalist is expressing a similar emotion and 3) It lets you feel that emotion, safely away from the person it’s directed at.

Make a joke Find anything — even the situation itself — that could make others around you laugh.

According to one WashingtonPost.com article, laughter lowers blood pressure and instantly relaxes you, so it could push away your tempter tantrum. Also, causing another person to laugh makes you feel they’re on your side — you feel less isolated. Often just feeling isolated is causing your temper to rise. But laughter is a great connector.

Ask yourself, “Is this a real problem?”

Before you flip out about the person who stole your parking space or the coworker who pushed off some of his responsibility onto you, ask yourself, “Is this a real problem? Does this actually threaten my livelihood?” Many of the things we get upset about aren’t real problems. They’re just less-great versions of how we wanted a situation to go. When you think of it that way, anger starts to feel pretty silly.

Look at someone with real problems

Get on the Internet and look up videos of people who are homeless, of animals in shelters, of people with disabilities, of people who’ve lost loved ones. Your perspective will take a sharp turn fast. You’ll may even feel the urge to hug the person who just angered you.

Pet/watch an animal

According to an NbcNews.com article, petting an animal for just a minute can lower your blood sugar. On top of that, we can learn something from dogs: they are happy just sitting in the sun, or being outdoors, or encountering their peers, or receiving affection. When you watch dogs at the dog park, it can make you yearn for the ability to become happy so easily, or get better at controlling your moods in the hopes of achieving that.

Remember your yelling either falls on deaf or important ears

If somebody provokes you to the point that you feel you’re going to scream, throw something, or spew daggers, maybe that somebody shouldn’t be in your life. In which case, what’s the point of losing your temper? Why make your feelings known to someone you’re going to eject from your life? On the other hand, if it is someone you absolutely want in your life then remember that losing one’s temper could signals the end of a relationship. It’s hard to come back from screaming at someone or calling them names. Is it worth it?

Remember that you are part of the big picture

When you’re standing in line at the grocery store and the checkout help is struggling with the register, and the person being checked out is an old woman counting her money and you’re going to lose it because you’ve been at work for nine hours, step out of your situation. Think about the check-out person, who might be helping her family earn extra income or putting herself through school. The old woman may not have enough money from social security or retirement — she’s counting coins. Remember, you are not the leading role in this story.

Take a nap

Sometimes, all you need is a nap! You’ve been there: sleep deprived and certain that nobody loves you, nobody will ever love you, people laugh behind your back and you’re the worst person in your field of work. And then you go to sleep, wake up, and feel ready to take on the world.

Begin planning for next time

Often we lose our temper for lack of planning. Perhaps we didn’t do something to relax before seeing someone we know agitates us, or perhaps we didn’t leave early enough to account for traffic. Skip the part where you get angry about the present, which you cannot change, and go right to thinking of how you’ll plan better next time.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija