by Nick Notas

Perhaps the greatest commonality these men share is their dedication to investing in themselves.

We all have different identities, personalities, and things that make us tick. Yet at the same time, we’re not always that different from one another.

In my never-ending thirst to understand male and female dynamics, I’ve recognized some key patterns. The guys who have healthy, successful connections with women have a combination of most, if not all of the following:

  1. They smile often.
  2. They face (or have faced) a lot of rejection.
  3. They have anxiety approaching women, but do it anyway.
  4. They deal with fear, rather than avoid it.
  5. They challenge their comfort zone on a regular basis. They’re not afraid to stumble. They know it will only make them stronger and more successful in the long run.
  6. They listen. They know that it’s best to breathe, relax, and pay attention. They are happy taking an extra second or two to let their mind naturally respond.
  7. They embrace their sexuality as men. They push things forward — if they like a girl, they show her. They enjoy touching and flirting with women.
  8. They take responsibility for themselves and their faults. Rather than mope, beat themselves up, or point the finger elsewhere, they strive to become something better.
  9. They have their logistics down. They know how to craft a memorable experience and plan accordingly.
  10. They understand fashion and use it to enhance their attractiveness. They know what colors and cuts of clothing flatter them most.
  11. They don’t objectify or slut-shame women. They see them as equal human beings who love sex, too.
  12. They aren’t afraid to go out solo. If no one is around and they want to socialize, they make new friends.
  13. They’re passionate. They speak with excitement and enthusiasm that draws others in.
  14. They make unabashed eye contact.  They realize how critical it is for effective and powerful communication — especially flirting.
  15. They’re congruent with their intentions. They don’t pretend to be a friend when they want something more. They are honest with themselves and with women.
  16. They’re curious. They have genuine interest in others. They don’t treat conversations as a win or lose situation.
  17. They know how to look confident, even when they aren’t. They don’t fidget nervously. They are expressive with their face and gestures. They stand tall, have open body language, and move with purpose.
  18. They create interesting, fulfilling lifestyles. They understand that when they’re happy, others will want to be a part of that.
  19. They value their time. They don’t endlessly chase and invest energy in those who don’t appreciate them.
  20. They’re of all shapes, sizes, and races. Short, tall, fat, skinny, and everyone in between – I’ve seen them and coached them myself.

The beauty is that none of these are unattainable traits. Everything here is possible, but requires your commitment. Perhaps the greatest commonality these men share is their dedication to investing in themselves.

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Nick Notas is a dating coach who focuses on honesty and respect. He teaches men how to be gentlemen and still get the girl. No tricks, no games, just genuine, lasting confidence.

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.