5 reasons why Gwyneth Paltrow is NOT the most beautiful woman in the world

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	Gwyneth Paltrow attends the Costume Institute Benefit at The Metropolitan Museum of Art May 7, 2012, celebrating the opening of Schiaparelli and Prada: Impossible Conversations.<br />

TIMOTHY A. CLARY/AFP/GETTYIMAGES

The ever-slim Paltrow attends the Costume Institute Gala at the Met in May 2012.

Flaxen-haired Gwyneth Paltrow was named People Magazine’s “World’s Most Beautiful Woman” yesterday, a confounding move just one week after she was named Star magazine’s “Most Hated Celebrity.”

We assume that People awarded her the honor based on her many accomplishments as well as her looks, and with that in mind, we take this opportunity to say, “No thanks!” Here are some reasons why the occasional actress, self-appointed Internet lifestyle guru, and food-hating cookbook authoress (who once proclaimed she would “rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can”) is most certainly not the fairest of them all.

1. The WASP-y look is not for everyone.

Blond hair, a tan, rail-thin body — will we ever get a break from the Hamptons Barbie look for our beauty ideal?

Lifestyle maven and disciplined non-eater Gwyneth Paltrow now rules as People's 'World's Most Beautiful Woman.'

Lifestyle maven and disciplined non-eater Gwyneth Paltrow now rules as People’s ‘World’s Most Beautiful Woman.’

2. She’s a cookbook author — yet terrified of food.

Despite being a two-time cookbook authoress, Gwyneth’s fear of the unhealthy borders on pathological. Carbs are evil, wheat is worse and meat is “dirty.” (Leonardo DiCaprio told her so, and she hasn’t eaten it in 20 years.) And she’s not afraid of making herself — or her family — go hungry in order to achieve her “clean eating” whims.

“Sometimes when my family is not eating pasta, bread or processed grains like white rice, we’re left with that specific hunger that comes with avoiding carbs,” she writes in her new tome, “It’s All Good.” It doesn’t sound good.

Paltrow had a revealing moment in her 2002 Oscars dress. She later apologized.

Paltrow had a revealing moment in her 2002 Oscars dress. She later apologized.

3. Her head is full of GOOP.

Her lifestyle and health-oriented website and newsletter has become a long-running joke in the blogosphere for its earnestly out-of-touch — and laughably expensive — collection of life-enhancing recommendations for us commoners, based on Gwyn’s favorite things: detoxes, colon cleanses, rapturous odes to spinach, Turkish towels, a $795 Valentino studded leather iPad case. It’s like seeing inside her head, and it’s strange in there.

4. She’s obsessed with being thin.

A workout fanatic, Paltrow has acknowledged that sometimes she gets sick of her grueling fitness routine.

NC1/NYG/WENN

A workout fanatic, Paltrow has acknowledged that sometimes she gets sick of her grueling fitness routine.

In addition to her super-restrictive diet, we’ve heard about her punishing, five-day-a-week, two hours-a-day exercise regimen with celebrity trainer Tracy Anderson ad nauseum. “Sometimes I cry, like, “I can’t do this anymore! I’m so sick of it!” she told People.

Ease up, lady. You’ll still look good if you gain 10 pounds.

5. She really wants you to like her.

The self-deprecating act gets old. “When I first heard that I was going to be on the cover of People’s “Most Beautiful” issue, I honestly thought someone was playing a joke on me,” the frequent red carpet walker said in a behind-the-scenes video on People’s website. Oh, really?

And check out the one carefully calibrated vice that she wants us to know about: “My one light American Spirit that I smoke once a week, on Saturday night,” she has said. Nice try, but she’s so uptight that she’d have to blaze through half a pack of Lucky Strikes and down three scotches before we’d risk hanging out with her.

Read more: NY Daily News

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