I want someone older than me that actually has some experience and will give me inspiration and ideas, not the one to distract me from my own thinking.

I want a sugar mommy (not the Patience Ozokwor-type, the older-than-me-by-maximum of 10 years-MILF-types).

Not for the immoral reasons that come to your mind; a perfectly logical, rational, and justified reason. I will educate you shortly.

I want to wake up in the morning to a text message of someone clearly and un-shyly declaring love and desire for you. A message that brings all the blood to my cheeks and rushes down to my loins. I want to get out of bed and meet breakfast – my favourite meal that I didn’t have to beg for. Somebody that I can nag to (yes, I like nagging just as much as a girl) and she nods and offers few, meaningful replies.

I want someone older than me that actually has some experience and will give me inspiration and ideas, not the one to distract me from my own thinking.

I want someone to surprise me. A surprise trip to somewhere fun; and no, it doesn’t have to be a shopping trip. Someone who can actually give ideas and not one that will dictate places and offers unwanted and highly subjective opinions.

Who will take me out and let me actually offer to pay (well, pretend to want to pay), and let our argument be why I wanted to pay not why I didn’t allow her eat as she wanted or take away food.

“Let me drive” is what I want to hear. Nobody offers to be allowed to drive in my place. All the girls I know sit down like they own the ride and sleep. Let it be my pleasure to drive and not my punishment.

Someone to make me feel like Robin, instead of Batman.

I want someone who will have freaking sex when she wants (trust, I’ll be ready) not me begging for kiss (from my own girlfriend oh). Someone always willing to try something new – okay, I know not all sugar mummies will be willing.

I want someone that doesn’t care about how much I earn, how much I want to spend, how much I have left; just someone that lets my money be my money. And someone who actually cares about me being comfortable.

Instead, I’ve got a girlfriend whose idea of romance is me doing houseboy work (me cooking and  bringing breakfast for you in bed all the time -wetin?!), a girlfriend who wants my debit card PIN and freedom to hold my debit cards (I’m not sure she even owns a bank account), a girlfriend that would rather me be a eunuch than be myself which is a raging stallion, full of blood and passion, and one that would drop me the minute I say I need her help.

So there, I hope I have convinced and not confused you about the importance of a sugar mommy.

Thank you.

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.