by Cheta Nwanze

A few minutes ago, a bomb went off at the Municipal Bus Terminal in Nyanya, Abuja. There have been many casualties. May God rest the dead.

Sometime last week, Georgia’s former Prez, Mikheil Saakashvili was in Lagos to talk down on us about economic success. One of the things he mentioned, was something about sacking the entire police force of the Republic of Georgia for three months while trying to build a new one. According to Saakashvili, crime did not go up in those three months. Now, I’m no fan of Saakashvili, seeing that he, in my view, left his people in a major geo-political mess. But that’s their problem, not mine. What interests me in the man is that he brought down corruption in his country by a significant amount. That achievement cannot be sniffed at no matter how much one may dislike the man, and maybe, just maybe, we should borrow a leaf from him and sack all our men-in-black, starting from the chaps who want to go on strike in order to force a mass promotion.

Another use that we may have of Saakashvili and his rather, err, unorthodox methods, will probably be in the NNPC, who are quite fond of telling our gavels just who is really in charge. The NNPC has as a matter of habit, refused to submit documents to the Senate that will help in investigating various misdemeanours, and the gavels have taken the only option available to them – to moan about it, and make ineffectual threats. Kinda like their compadres in the lower house, who in a moment of hubris are making threats at both the NNPC and a rather pretty lady. Threats, which we all know, carry no weight. After all, they must “live her alone“.

Still on that rather great Georgian, fuel shortages used to be the in-thing in Georgia until he put a stop to them in a manner of speaking. So maybe, just maybe, we need Mikheil Saakashvili to come and help us sort out the problems with fuel subsidy. Failing that, queues may return soon. You see, for some reason, the FG has failed to pay N100 billion to oil marketers, who have stopped importing the stuff in reply. Get ready for fuel queues to return. And oh, I know where the N100 billions went. A significant part of it went to pay the Ghananese off, because, well, we brought NEPA to them.

Yes people, Nigeria has in the last few weeks plunged the entire West African coast, from Eket to Monrovia, into darkness because of a failure to supply gas. Benin for one, have shown Nigeria what to do with the heads of under-performing utilities, shoving two out of the office window this year alone. In Nigeria, since people tend to sit tight because we don’t like our sons being fired, our banks will have to make do with losses amounting to N1 trillion, while the average Lagosian will continue to sleep with the generator symphony in his ears.

Bits and bobs

• Not a few Nigerians had a laugh over the 9-month old boy who was arrested in faraway Pakistan for murder, then took to their heels as a chicken which had the effrontery to speak Arabic was detained at a police station in Makurdi.
• The price of rice may fall soon as the FG will be reviewing its import policy.
• Despite resistance in some quarters, the FG will be extending the state of emergency in some northern states, a move I fully back.
• This is the reason I back that move.

Right of reply

Abdulsalam Badamasi wrote,

NEPA was never a good woman..but she was far better at rebasing her name. Many do not know what name she calls herself now? Or the rounds she is made to offer every night to her very willing customers. We are clear about one thing though, we will remain short time customers for as long as her pimping agents care to allow. “Money for hand no mean say Na back for ground anymore!”

Ehis Emokhare wrote,

Wow!!! You must live in Lekki/Ajah. I sleep with NEPA every other day and most nights. The best part is she doesn’t mind when GENifer her cousin substitutes when she sometimes blacksout!. Cheers.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.