Dahlia Nosakhare: The soul mate myth (30 Days, 30 Voices)

by Dahlia Nosakhare

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“Hence, we view a successful relationship as what happens to us rather than what we create by working hard. “

I want a hen(s) party with shameless debauchery but I really want to break the rules for once. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want my man to propose with a ring inside my ice cream or in the presence of friends and family. I actually hate surprises but would love one executed with perfect flourish. So I’d prefer a proposal in an elevator, on a post it note or with a candlelit dinner – Oh, scented candles to be precise. The proposal does not have to come with a cliché speech, but it should be really unique .

When I was sixteen I wanted a man who was spiritually intoxicated, an incurable romantic, coming after me with the right trappings in place – financially free etcetera. He would be my knight in shining armour even though I was no damsel in distress.

Years down the road, I’ve come to realize that while there is such a thing as a perfect wedding, a perfect partner is not obtainable. Our culture is saturated with the notion that there’s one perfect partner out there for everybody and to settle for anything less is to deny oneself a chance at true happiness. From the time we begin dating, most of us set our sights on a seeming ideal partner, made so by a criteria we define ourselves.  We believe that once we find them, we would live happily ever after; Hence, we view a successful relationship as what happens to us rather than what we create by working hard. We assume that once we find our intended, they complete us like the missing piece of a puzzle and from then on life should be easy and effortless.

The ‘soul mate’ myth is all about blue skies, always sunny and bright, so lifting! But in real relationships, challenges come and the sky is occasionally cloudy.

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Dahlia Nosakhare is a hopeless romantic who believes that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, just imperfect people trying to make a perfect love.

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija

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