by Demola Rewaju

Every man has in his mind the image of a man like James Bond who approaches women with a very funny quip and they respond to him in almost the same way – there’s that sapiosexual banter: an exchange of words with subtle meaning that inevitably lead to another meeting that would somehow get her into bed with him. Bad news sirs: We can’t all be James Bond but here’s the good news; you can be yourself.

Every man has in his mind the image of a man like James Bond who approaches women with a very funny quip and they respond to him in almost the same way – there’s that sapiosexual banter: an exchange of words with subtle meaning that inevitably lead to another meeting that would somehow get her into bed with him. Bad news sirs: We can’t all be James Bond but here’s the good news; you can be yourself.

In the years of growing up in Surulere, I and a gang of friends would roam the neighbourhood towards evening with no other aim than to approach single girls and engage them in conversation. This was no small feat for us as young teenagers but I would like to think it helped improve our social skills in the future we now live in. In these days of social networking, one rarely needs face-to-face conversational skills except you come across a beautiful chic you’d like to know and you find your heartbeat racing faster than a train on a track.

I was reminded of this scenario just yesterday while waiting at a joint to pick Chubby Cheeks (my wife) up from work. This pretty lady came in (I didn’t actually see her come in but she wasn’t there when I came in so…) and sat alone at a table, ordering and sipping a bottle of those semi-alcoholic drinks. Just after I looked up from the book I was reading and saw her, a guy approached her and from the look on both faces, his social skills couldn’t get him a place at the table with her. I chuckled inwardly and remembered those days…

There may be no obvious need to approach any lady since one always has more than enough female contacts on his BBM list but every once in a while you come across a lady that looks almost as though she were begging to be approached (like the single lady at the joint yesterday) and think about it: half of our ladies dress up just to look attractive enough to meet a nice guy like you! (the other half dress up to impress other ladies) so it would be a shame if the best you can do is eyeball her for as long as you’re both in each other’s presence and walk away feeling you should have at least got her facebook name or phone number. She’s also pissed off because she’s noticed you’re interested but figures you don’t have the guts to walk over and talk to her. That’s why the look she gives you after more than five minutes of chance eye contact is one of boredom and some disgust.

‘why shall I shy?’ was what we used to ask ourselves and many men may yet ask that question before today is over. My understanding of shyness is that it is a mental condition that reveals the predominant condition of your mind – you are thinking about yourself too much. In the mind of a shy guy are the thoughts: “how do I look to her? I’m not wearing my best shirt or shoes. She’s clearly out of my league. She’s probably waiting for her date. Won’t she think I’m a potential rapist?” and other such far-gone thoughts like that. Shyness is selfish in a way – you’re too focused on how you come across to realise that how you come across depends largely on how you carry yourself and how you carry yourself depends on the thoughts you’re having about yourself at any given moment. You’ve got to project confidence for it to be perceived.

Every man has in his mind the image of a man like James Bond who approaches women with a very funny quip and they respond to him in almost the same way – there’s that sapiosexual banter: an exchange of words with subtle meaning that inevitably lead to another meeting that would somehow get her into bed with him. Bad news sirs: We can’t all be James Bond but here’s the good news; you can be yourself.

I don’t know you but if you’re smart enough to be reading this then it means you have a fair understanding of the English language and can communicate. I’m also sure there are some things about you that if only this girl knew, she would want to be your friend (or whatever it is you want her to be) so the only thing left is for you to get her to know you. Your shyness has made sure she is aware of you because you’ve cast glances at her that she’s seen and she now knows you are there. There might even have been one approach from a rude boy already but don’t sweat it – when next she looks your way and you catch her eyes, smile and wave if you can. If she smiles back or waves back, get up immediately and start walking towards her. It doesn’t matter where you are or how much distance you have to cross – just do it.

Your legs may not wish to cooperate with you but don’t forget it’s a thing of the mind. Focus on the girl not yourself; don’t even think about what you’re going to say. So what if there are people around you? Tell yourself that they’ll think you’re just two old friends meeting each other for the first time.

Walk openly and directly to her, don’t change your mind and admire the flowers behind her – go over with a very big smile and say a simple ‘hello’. 100 out of 100 times, two things will happen: she’ll smile back and say ‘hello’ or ‘hi’. I don’t really fancy pick-up lines so let’s keep it simple: just talk to her as a friend you are meeting for the first time – compliment her on anything from her hair to her dress to her eyes – anything at all and the moment you can get her to smile, chuckle or laugh…introduce yourself and take a seat. From then on, the rest is your call but never for a second turn your mind inwards and think about how she’s perceiving you. Turn your mouth and your entire body into an ally so that it projects exactly what you want it to: I’m a great person you would enjoy knowing so consider yourself quite lucky dear lady.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.