Is she playing hard to get? Here are 5 ways to know if she’s interested

by  Sarah Jacobsson Purewal

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She’s the opposite of an over-sharer: She’s busy, sometimes flaky, and always vague about the details. When you ask her about her day, she hints at an exciting event at work but fails to follow through with the story. She tells you she’ll be away all weekend, but she doesn’t mention where or why.

1. She doesn’t answer your texts right away

Her phone is practically super-glued to her hand—hell, she’s updating Twitter right now—so why isn’t she texting you back? “When you hide behind the veil of technology by texting or communicating via social media, it’s hard for her to gauge where she stands,” says Mehta. Admit it—the reason you texted her in the first place is because texts are inherently low-risk and noncommittal.

She’s still interested if:

She responds to a more direct, personal form of communication, such as a phone call. “She wants to know that you think she’s special, and that you appreciate her time,” Mehta explains. While texts can be crafted in seconds and sent to multiple recipients at once, phone calls are one-on-one.

2. She’s always busy

She’s turning down your invitations left and right, claiming excuses such as “best friend’s birthday,” and “got invited to an Oscars viewing party.” There are three possibilities: She’s a crazy-busy social butterfly, she’s not interested, or she’s sending a message. “She wants you to know that she’s not just sitting at home, waiting around for you to call,” says Mehta. “It’s how she protects herself from ending up in a too-casual relationship.”

She’s still interested if:

She says “yes” to invitations that are not last-minute. “She doesn’t want you to think that she’s free all the time, or that she’s willing to drop everything to be with you,” says Mehta. “But if you get rejected more than once or twice—and you definitely gave her enough notice, she might just be dodging your advances.”

3. She talks about other guys

Her ex. Her best guy friend. Her male colleagues. The guy who hit on her at the bar last night. If she’s constantly talking about the other men in her life, she’s probably trying to signal to you that she’s a hot commodity. “This is where the supply-side economics theory can be applied,” says Mehta. “She wants you to know that she’s not just busy, she’s busy hanging out with other guys.”

She’s still interested if:

Her guy-talk is strictly non-romantic. For example, she’ll tell you about a guy who hit on her and then mention how weird he was. “It’s her way of nudging you and letting you know there’s competition,” says Yue Xu, dating expert at Singlefied.com. “But she also wants you to know that you’re the first in line.”

4. She’s flaky

You took her out and had a great time—and now she’s acting distant and aloof. Or maybe you set up a date for tomorrow, but she just called to say she can’t make it because she has an emergency “work thing.” Sounds fishy, so what gives? It’s the availability thing all over again. “She’s protecting herself,” says Xu. “She wants to be the opposite of clingy, so she overcompensates by being extra detach-y.”

She’s still interested if:

She leaves the door—to the future—open. Dating is a game of give-and-take, and if she’s playing hard to get, she knows that. So she won’t flake on you completely without giving you something to hang onto. If she cancels a date at the last minute, she might mention that her schedule is freer next week. Or if she stops texting for a few days after you hang out, she’ll casually reconnect to let you know that she’s still around. “If she’s asking you to jump through hoops without giving anything back, she might just like the chase,” says Mehta.

5. She’s mysterious

She’s the opposite of an over-sharer: She’s busy, sometimes flaky, and always vague about the details. When you ask her about her day, she hints at an exciting event at work but fails to follow through with the story. She tells you she’ll be away all weekend, but she doesn’t mention where or why. “She believes that you’ll find her more intriguing if she cultivates an air of mystery,” Xu says. “She doesn’t divulge all the details to you, and it drives you kind of crazy.” The details may not be all that interesting, but she’s putting lots of effort into being mysterious in front of you.

She’s still interested if:

Her “air of mystery” is focused on relatively unimportant topics, such as work, or where she’s going when she leaves your apartment at 7 a.m. She wants to keep you questioning, says Xu, but she doesn’t want you to question the big things, such as your relationship. She may be vague about her weekend plans, but she’ll start talking if you start ask her about other guys.

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Read more in Men’s Health

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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