It is no surprise then that despite all the noise about Vision 20-20-20, our real economy is simply not growing.

One thing that I will have to give to our forefathers is that sexually, they were out of control. Forget all those rumours those days being days of “decency”, “purity” and all that, those guys had game! Why, the figures speak for themselves. Consider that our very first census in 1952 told us that there are 31.6 million Nigerians. 10 years later, we had 55.6 million people, a national growth rate of 5.8%! The implication of that is that that generation of Nigerians spent ten years doing only one thing…

Forward the hands of the clock 50 years, and our population has exploded like the phoenix rising from the ashes (remember we had a war that bumped off at least 2 million people) to a whooping 170 million souls. In other words, in half a century, Nigeria has almost trebled it’s size. Thus it was that I almost fell off my seat when I read that we will soon overtake a country like Brazil on the population charts to become the fifth most populated country in the world!

Sad fact: Brazilians are actually productive, Nigerians only have sex.

It is no surprise then that despite all the noise about Vision 20-20-20, our real economy is simply not growing. You see, it is one thing for abstract figures such as GDP to rise, but another thing for people on the ground to feel that rise. You see, if we take the IMF’s 2011 figures, Nigeria has the world’s 40th largest economy. But by the time you calculate the GDP per capita (divide by our population), we suddenly find that we are number 138. Meanwhile I strongly disagree with Prof. Omoniyi Adetiloye’s thesis on why our economy will not grow. It is not foreigners that are impregnating our women at an alarming rate. Oh, even the Nigerian Economic Summit Group agrees that the whole Vision 20-20-20 parade belongs in dreamland.

Dreamland is where our legislators seem to be returning from with a rude shock. It would appear that the rumoured delay in the payment of their juicy allowances was the koboko that woke them up from their slumber and accounts for their sudden tenacity in looking at budget figures from various MDAs in the 2013 Budget. One good thing that has come out of that is that they are realising precisely what some of us screamed about 11 months ago on very sunny days in Ojota. SURE-P for example is a national waste, and it turns out that SURE-P spent N27 billions in four months! There was a youth employment scheme that spent N3.5 billions in 2012, a year where the National Bureau of Statistics informed us that there are 67 million Nigerian youths roaming the streets…

It is not all bad news though, and I hate to spoil your morning akamu (for those outside Lagos), or your morning gala (for those of you stuck in Lagos traffic). PM News tells us that the FG has recovered N29 billions from the N232 billions that were pilfered in the name of oil subsidy payments. Although PM News failed to tell us precisely whom the money was recovered from, Sahara Reporters safe from their base in New York tell us that N2.7 billion of that rather gigantic total ended up in the pockets of the current Labour Minister, yes, the same man who is charged with generating employment for the 67 million youths in whose heads the devil has set up workshop.

“The President should immediately sack Chief Wogu if he fails to resign,” whimpered erstwhile lawmaker, Dino Melaye while in the background someone took an axe to a grinding machine…

Bits and bobs

For those of you who want to feel closer to the Lord, Catholicism’s numero uno has finally joined the 21st Century. Pope Benedict’s Twitter account has gathered more than 300k followers in less than 24 hours of existence, with zero tweets! “Bless me Holy Father for I have sinned, it’s been 30 years since my last confession…”

Yesterday, the Punch newspaper had a rather scathing editorial on the performance of the sitting President. It is well worth the read. As for me, I have framed it in a corner of my wall. That’s how an editorial should be written.

Ondo swimmer at the National Sports Festival Ibukun Adamolekun, provided some mild drama as she won gold in the 200m butterfly, then promptly collapsed back into the pool. Luckily she was revived on the spot some minutes later, or we’d have had to fly her to Germany for treatment. Congratulations on your gold Ibukun.

However, Ibukun’s drama lasted just five minutes. For real drama, you can follow the continuing saga of Dim Ojukwu’s will. There are so many angles to it, so you can just entertain yourself and read them all. I wonder why his son is complaining though. Dim didn’t leave anything for his children at MASSOB either. I still can’t get over the fact that he left something for his Northerner daughter…



Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.