by Aminu Yusuf Roni

We all know what it takes to oppose the PDP: to say things as they were, done! That is so easy, certainly easier than calling APC, and its acolytes,  Boko Haram sponsors albeit a certain Security Adviser – of the same PDP administration- once let the cat out of the bag without mincing his words by telling the world that “PDP is indeed the Boko Haram”.

The clock is always working, ticking repeatedly- engulfing our worth. We seem not to care at all; time always remain as it is. For every second(s) that passed would never come back, and its resurrection is impossible!

In Nigeria, the clock-matter is very crucial, given to the fact that 2015 is just around the corner. February 2015, more precisely. The cymbals of “war” would be blown; town-criers (as traditional) not needed, we have newspapers and (Media) Aides, who have been precariously creating political tensions by using pastoral names to link one whistleblower or the other with the life-blowers, the Boko Haram. And the President still did not sack- those dorks his Aides; what an intellectual Chief! He must have being one from another planet. Perhaps from Mars; named after the god of war.

As the 2015 general election is approaching, two things- for certain- a Nigerian voter must do: to  support or oppose the PDP, but the homemade trouble for the PDP lies in their biased and lopsided fashion of recommendation. I am talking about the presidential candidate saga- no, chaotic selection- which may cost the ancient party an arm and a leg.

For those who consider themselves aspiring candidates under the [uncontrollably leaking] Umbrella, forget it because it is an expensive play with time; you are not ready to reach your potential of residing at the Green House (I call the Nigeria’s government house “Green House”, the metaphorical version of United States’ “White House”) and be issuing orders profusely, usually without much, or no, thought. It is just like a game having the President as the player, the referee and the coach; his cacophonous bulwarks as the fans and supporters. Who do you think will win such a selfish game? the President of course. That is what may – and shall happen- inside the PDP, come 2015. The President will do all that he can to retain the reign: paying money under the table is the least option the bare-foot-school-boy have. He is very, very good at that. In fact, inducement is legally a norm in the Aso Villa today… Hold on! Mr President is so much a clever man than an ordinary zoologist we may have around, he did not yet declare his intention to re-run or otherwise, but, at least his body language encourages electoral contest/ambition as we can see.

We all know what it takes to oppose the PDP: to say things as they were, done! That is so easy, certainly easier than calling APC, and its acolytes,  Boko Haram sponsors albeit a certain Security Adviser – of the same PDP administration- once let the cat out of the bag without mincing his words by telling the world that “PDP is indeed the Boko Haram”.

The man is now late; who knows if one’s life lies in the speech(es) s/he makes (if you know what I mean)? Personally, I hate hearsays and all these conspiracy theories. Let’s talk and face it. Here are simple, straightforward and liberally “expensive” tips on how to support the PDP government, come 2015 and beyond, whether or not President Jonathan is the candidate. Truth is that the expedition starts now. Face it.

Engender a bitter hatred for the Opposition Parties.

Yes, I am talking about All Progressives Congress (APC), which the PDP holds as an enemy at a distinguished pinnacle; not the APGAs, the CNPPs etc. You see, these days, when you have no enemy you are really not viable for success, that is what those of old said. Recall that when the APC members visited the [Baba] Ota Farmer in Abeokuta, he commended their guts for withstanding the force with the ironical name of “Politically Deepening  Promiscuity”, which he and some numerous bulwarks helped to have  built.

He spoke to them very politely, as if he wants to join them.  He said that “…one of the essential ingredients of democracy is opposition” and that “as an opposition, you are enhancing democracy..” But for one to support the PDP administration one must muster the courage to despise all those involved in the provision of these ingredients. Without good ingredients food is usually tasteless, thus undesirable. There are certain things that made up democratic Nigeria, but were shunned. In my hunch, that food called democratic-Nigeria has its other name: Spoiled, but only if you or the PDP cheerleaders have some awe at Baba Obasanjo; he is a godfather, anyway. Remember that you cannot eat your cake and still have it: you cannot support the PDP if you are not prepared to “do or say things as they are”. Take care of your relationship with the truth, else you would be disqualified from being the national-cake beneficiary. Prepare for the worst, but, still pray for the best.

Beware of political “factions”.

There are certain individuals who, when you side with them, PDP will definitely disown you. When you make a lot of good noise, they call you a bigoted-sycophant. But when you, as a PDP supporter, makes less or much, nonsensical talk your name is patriot; a very good one, indeed. This is how the government operates. Like Shekau like Metuh; their actions and tactics seldom coincide and their lies are like Chinese Arithmetic (I am not talking about the military ones and I cannot dismiss it either). Remember Shekau said “in this world, there are only two types of people: those who support us and those who don’t”? He, the terrorists leader, announced that they will wage- in fact, are waging- a terrible war on the latter, the infidels as he named us. One could only be so daft to not be able to find out the similarity between the two dangerous organisations with fathomable differences. They shot from their hips by unashamedly calling APC the founders and funders of Boko Haram, relying on the fact that some disgruntled politicians once claimed to make Nigeria ungovernable for President Jonathan if he succeed as a President in 2011. Ergo, in Nigeria, there are only two types of people: those who support PDP ( the anointed ones) and those who don’t support PDP ( the accursed ones). Be careful- anointed- never to lose the “Kingdom Of The Goaded”. We are certain that the Kingdom Of God is better than that of the “goaded”, but we want the latter anyway, for convenience and for feathering our nests. Aso Villa is so nice; God save our wealth.

Take note on some political guys….

May be Amaechi has invited trouble, but thank God he is getting over it. I don’t feel like “crushing” on him before, only after I found out that he is indeed in a feud with Nyesom Wike. The supervising minister of education vexed me, he doesn’t seem to be competent enough to end ASUP’s five month old strike or   COEASU’ three month old strike. Mark Amaechi and avoid him as much as you could. Don’t forget the People’s General, Muhammadu Buhari. He is an enemy since 2003 (if I were him, I would forget 2015 and focus on helping the APC beat the beast). Distance yourself from anything related to those people; they are dangerous for your political loyalty to the PDP. Tinibu has done well in Lagos under a non-PDP party, and I think it is high time you started to despise him a little, at least to save and nurture your reputation in the eyes of the PDP. We have many of these people around us, but I ended my list here… Mallam Nasir El-Rufai popped into my brain! You need to know how badly you would treat the man before you shout the aged “PDP power!” slogan and get away with it. That diminutive man? yes, him. I see no fault in Nasir’s physical appearance as long as he will remain “the demolition man” we had a couple of years ago (but I hope this time around the demolition is not on the buildings; it ought to be on the real owner of these houses, the breadwinners, the beautiful lady called Ms. Corruption, and beyond). The man is absolutely intelligent, I like most of his policies. You cannot deny his uniqueness, can you? So physique is meaningless if it cannot coerce one to deliver service. And if you insist on physical manifestation as a criteria for choosing a political office holder, just take a look- a good and thorough one- at a barefoot school-boy, later a zoology student, later a lecturer, later a deputy governor, later a governor, later a vice president, and now…!  So do you think, after looking at this person, that he could pass on these levels, if ones physique is to be determined? (I hope you can guess what the emitted part of the description entails; come on, him!). I don’t think that even our past president could make it. Well, no homo, Nasir is far more a handsome guy than the barefoot school-boy. However, whoever says the Zoologist is not a smart person is a liar and only jealous of what God has blessed him with:  take him, the liar, to the Aso Villa and ask him to “rule” for a day and you would find him buying sachets of Panadol-Xtra the next day. You may not imagine what it takes to rule Nigeria- keep calm and shout Alhamdulillah or Hallelujah, for being under the beautiful shade of your thatched roof; you are in a comfort zone and solace would seek out for you.

Last but not the least: rounded up.

Ignore scandals. Don’t throw, a honest or otherwise, censure at the government no matter what they have done; just keep numb and enjoy the ride, they promised that the umbrella never leaks. Revere the PDP benefactors; never say negative. Accept bribery and corruption; it is a norm, don’t panic because the ICPC is all yours. Don’t get tired of cursing and criticising the opposition parties, it is healthy in PDP’s version of democracy, and you may be feted for it. Never touch the anointed sacred cows, else you would be politically damned.

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This article was published with permission from Omojuwa.com

 

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