by Monale Alemika
Back in the day, the “good guys”/religious brothers did not necessarily pay attention to their appearance. Color riot was the order of the day and there seemed to be an aversion to cologne and perfume.
Well, not exactly. Sensational headline; I am learning :-).
Public Service Announcement
One of my self-descriptors is “avid conversationalist”. I love to converse with people and hear their opinions on various issues. Recently, on Twitter @OsemhenA of EurekaNaija fame, had asked a general question “Where can young men go to meet eligible young women who are more focused on their futures than their shoe/bag collection?”
Me and my amebo, I wanted to know the answer to this question, so I told her to let me know what responses she got. At the end of the day, it seemed like most people settled on most shockingly, Twitter. @ndubuisithe5th of @openbooknigeria added Enugu to the mix. So for those of you wondering where the good people hang out, the answer is Twitter and Enugu…lol.
Do Good Girls Like Bad Guys
Ehen, now that we have made the public service announcement, let’s fast forward a few days later. Once again, I am on Twitter, and @Lanre_Olagunju asks if it is true that good girls like bad guys. Hmmm, this is one of those clichés that won’t go away. It is important to note that there are various perspectives on this issue (Yes, I did some research). According to award winning theorists Per the internet, women are attracted to rebels because they find their non-conformist ways “hot”. Another article said that good women like bad guys because they find their “jerky” ways attractive. In order words, women are drawn to guys who ignore and treat them badly. Okay, none of these responses work for me. There is no planet where I would be remotely interested in anyone who does not treat me with respect (but that is just me).
The third and final point made on the issue was that good girls may like bad guys because such guys may be considered out of their league. So when they receive some measure of attention from them, there is a boost to their self-esteem. They get carried away by his advances with no regard for the intentions or motives behind them. This particular perspective makes sense to me, and I have seen this play out on occasion with people I’ve come in contact with.
My Take on the Issue
It might be helpful to define the general assumption of “good” and “bad” in this context, before moving forward with the conversation. When Nigerians say a guy is bad, they typically mean someone who drinks, smokes and womanizes (player, cheat, ladies’ man, etc.). Let us add yahoo-yahoo and other “evils” to the list. The good guy on the other hand is most likely a brother in the lord/islam (very religious), “spirito or spiricoco,” soft spoken, honest and hardworking. These are not necessarily my personal views about good and bad guys, but I am providing a general perception.
So, after surveying the vast information (all three articles) on this issue on the web, what is my take on it? I have two thoughts I’d like to share.
- I don’t think that good girls necessarily like bad guys; it seems to me that they are more taken with the way “bad guys” present themselves. What do I mean by that? Well, just as men like their women to look good and be on point, women also want men that dress well and are charismatic.
Hmm, madam Versatile Nigerian, you have come again o. Are you saying good guys don’t dress well and lack charisma? Yes and No: Hear me out. Personally, I know a ton of good men who are godly, intelligent, well-spoken and awesome dressers. In fact, na over swag de worry them. But such people may not be categorized as the typical good guy according to the general perception.
When we go by the general perception of the typical “good guy” (A.K.A spirito or spiricoco ), we quickly see how things get lost in translation. Back in the day, the “good guys”/religious brothers did not necessarily pay attention to their appearance. Color riot was the order of the day and there seemed to be an aversion to cologne and perfume. The “bad guys” were the flashy dressers with all the extra accessories and latest fashion wear. Times have changed though, and we are seeing all men (“good and bad”) taking more of an active interest in their overall appearance.
There was also the issue of speaking well (In English, tenses are very important, even when giving a testimony in church or speaking public). The fact is, most women (even religious sisters) want men that dress well and speak properly (not big English o or pho-ne/fake accent). They want someone who is cultured and carries himself in a respectable manner. A man who can intelligently engage issues without resorting to spiritual clichés and emotional outbursts. All the “bless you,” “it is well,” “I celebrate you” are all fine and good in church settings/religious circles, but they do not translate well in everyday conversations and most importantly, they are not romantic (Can you imagine being with your main squeeze, and you tell him you love him, and his reply is “bless you” or “I celebrate you”…smh). In this sense, you can see why the supposedly bad guys win. It is my understanding that everyone wants someone that they can be proud of in public, so presentation matters.
Dress well, speak well and sell your individual/unique swag.
- Another reason why good girl may lean towards bad guys may be tied to self-esteem and what I like to call “missionary dating”.
When popular guys/bad boys/players ask a good girl out, for those who have a better sense of who they are and what they want in a relationship, this might actually be a minor irritation they can’t wait to get rid of. For others, there is certain hype to this chain of events. It might be a boost to their self-esteem to think that someone like that would consider dating them. This would lead to a lot of rationalization on their part such as:
- He isn’t all that bad.
- He has a good heart.
- It looks like he has calmed down. Even Benita said that she doesn’t see him as much on the scene as she used to. Shebi last week he even went forward for altar call?
- I can change him. Jesus said go yee into the world and make disciples of all nations. I can start from here now. Abi?
Whatever ways they choose to justify their decision, they may end up engaging in “missionary dating,” which involves dating someone with the aim of changing them to be who you want them to be. For the record, I think that missionary dating is just silly. Think about how hard it is for you to change habits and things about yourself, why would anyone think that they can easily get someone to change their ways. Besides the love of Christ that compels us to be better people, I think that people change because they want to (My 2 kobo).
Do good girls really like bad guys? Honestly, I don’t know. These are the two reasons that make sense in my mind. I might be totally off base here.
I think that the typical view of good and bad guys is not an effective/accurate way to classify people. There are good people out there who are not religious, and therefore cannot be neatly bundled in with the “bad guys”.
At the end of the day, ladies will chose a guy based on their state of mind (which may include self-esteem issues) or their goals (serious relationships/companionship/marriage vs gold digging and materialism).
So what do you think? Do good girls like bad guys? Let me know in the comment sections
Cheers!
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First published on The Versatile Nigerian Blog
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.
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