Tomi Odunsi: Starting all over, losing almost everything (30 Days, 30 Voices)

Many times, I have broken down in tears, I’ve had sleepless nights thinking, worrying and wondering how I got it wrong, what I could’ve done differently and how I could’ve changed my own fate

As I lay on my bed, staring into the thin air and thinking to myself that what I’m about to share with you could mean letting down my guards, I tell myself that there is much strength in revealing your true self with all its fears, weaknesses and fragility just as it is as long as doing so would inspire and encourage other people.

Like most people I know and have heard of, life has not been a bed of roses for me but I have pushed myself away from the negatives and concentrated solely on the positive things. Well, this was easy as long as most of the things I had planed were falling in place. It wasn’t as if I had everything I wanted but I had dreams that I believed in and my cheerful nature always knew how to smile and be happy in all situations. Until about the end of 2011 when my whole world came crashing down right in front of me and nothing seemed to be under control. How could it when everything seemed to be falling apart almost at the same time. #Hero- Spiderman.

A lot of plans crumbled. Some projects failed. Some businesses crashed. Relationships fell apart and above all, I lost my best friend, Adebanke Ajayi and to make matters worse, the press was spreading false rumours about the cause of her death. Banke choked during an Asthma attack, she died in the hospital right in her mother’s arms.

My best friend’s death tore me apart. I was on the phone with her, complaining and lamenting about everything going wrong just a few days before she passed on. Banke said a lot of deep things and I thought it was just to make me feel better. I was so overwhelmed by my predicament that I didn’t pay full attention to her last few words to me. I hate to remember that moment. There are so many unanswered questions I would have loved to ask but It’s too late now, I have to put the puzzles together all by myself.

Many times, I have broken down in tears, I’ve had sleepless nights thinking, worrying and wondering how I got it wrong, what I could’ve done differently and how I could’ve changed my own fate. I’m a public figure; I can’t let people see how much I’m hurt – I tell myself each time I have to smile for the camera, and perform my duties as an artiste. But at some point, I knew that until I accept the pain as a part of life and believe that nothing can separate me from the love of God, his plans for me are of good and of a glorifying end as all things work together for my good; I would remain downcast and no amount of fake smiles will erase the trouble within.

Today, I look at how much stronger I have become and I thank God for his grace, for a very supportive family and for the few friends that helped me through that phase when I thought I was such a failure, that I couldn’t even save my best friend, facing the reality that I’m not such a superhero as I used to think. They made me see through the positives. I picked up the pieces, started mending them together bit by bit and now I write this piece feeling much stronger and happier within. This reminds me of my mother’s favourite quote, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.

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Tomi Odunsi is a talented singer, Songwriter and actor. She’s best known to her audience as she plays “Salewa” on Mnet’s hit drama series Tinsel. She was recently appointed The HACEY- Hands up for her campaign ambassador through her initiative TOI (Tomi Odunsi Initiative). TOI was born out of the desire to help young people like her to aspire global relevance through their gift. :)

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30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians to share their stories and experiences with other young Nigerians, within our borders and beyond, to inspire and motivate them.

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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