by Cheta Nwanze

A good request on the face of it, but one made without a knowledge of the complexities of the situation on the ground, such as the fact that the girls will probably be taken right back after release because, well, #BokoHaram it appears, has the run of the office in Borno.

If I were you, a Nigerian, I’d be taking some serious stock as I read this, of how much I’m worth. Worth to whom, you might ask, and the answer to that, is to your government, somewhere less than a Pakistani teenager. At least, that’s the message that we have received after yesterday’s audience granted to a Pakistani teenager, after which, the Prez finally agreed to open the door to a set of Nigerians who have been knocking for 92 days now.

One of the requests that said Pakistani teenager has made, is for the release of suspected #BokoHaram members in exchange for the #ChibokBabes, so that at the very least their 13 week ordeal will end. A good request on the face of it, but one made without a knowledge of the complexities of the situation on the ground, such as the fact that the girls will probably be taken right back after release because, well, #BokoHaram it appears, has the run of the office in Borno.

But ne’er mind, that run may end soon as two things happened yesterday: first, the Army told us that it will be getting new equipment with which to beat #BokoHaram, and perhaps more importantly, one of the chaps who presided over the rise of said group, has decided that he’s done trying to sweep the house clean. Ali Modu Sherriff has decided to take shelter under an umbrella. Expect a list of his transgressions to become public as disgruntled brooms try to sweep their house free of his stench.

Love life, live healthy

Bits and Bobs

Just to be clear, I did not take part in writing this letter, but in the unlikely event that there’s money to be shared, well, family members were killed during the war.

In other news, the khakis who shot at their commanding officer will soon be joining the choir.

The Bigot and his assistant have gotten the bindle ready for to hitch hike.

Finally, and disturbingly, after a restless night in Gusau, when his wife got into the bathroom, Sabiu fed their 3-day-old baby with some pesticide.