All most people hear about is how women are very complex sexual creatures and how it takes more to please a woman than it does a man. Perhaps it’s not so much that as that men aren’t as picky and don’t complain about sex as much as women do. As long as they’re getting it, then everything is okay. However, men are a lot more complex than given credit for as they have sexual needs, desires, fantasies, likes, and dislikes too.
Rather than harp on what men could do better, here is an article that shows what some women are doing wrong in bed. Now, rather than just complaining about it, we’ve also provided some suggestions on how to fix them.
Problem # 1: During foreplay and sexual intercourse, women tend not to touch a man enough. Sure, she may have her hands on him, but not everywhere he would like them to be.
Solution: Ideally, you want her to touch your entire body with her hands during the course of foreplay and you would like for her hands to roam during intercourse as well. You may want to suggest a full body massage. If you really want to get creative and sensual at the same time, get some scented oils. Make sure that you’re on the giving as well as the receiving end.You don’t want to appear to be selfish and you always want to make sure she knows that you feel that you both should be pleased.
During sex, if her hands aren’t moving enough, communicate with her and be specific. Ask her to rub on your chest, for instance. Make sure she also knows that nipples are a sensual area for men as well as women. Some women don’t realize this and men’s nipples tend to get neglected.
Problem # 2: Women tend not to kiss enough. Kissing on the lips is not the problem, but women sometimes neglect the rest of the body.
Solution: If you let her know that you like to be kissed all over, she’ll probably have no issues with doing it. The problem is that women are programmed to think that men only want blowjobs and sex. While these things are amazing and one or both are the ultimate goal, there are other things men like. So, the big solution is communication. Tell her what you’re looking for and be specific. Don’t forget to mention that tongues are wonderful!
Problem # 3: I’m not sure how it’s possible, but women tend to ignore men’s balls. They’re right there, hanging down for all to see when a man is naked. How they get ignored is a mystery, but some women seem to forget all about them.
Solution: As a guy, you know that any sort of tender touch, whether it’s with the hands or the mouth, feel incredible on your balls. You can gently take her hand and guide it to your balls so she gets the hint. Also, you may want to tell her that if she’s giving a blowjob that it’s a real turn on if her mouth and tongue wander on over to your balls once in a while.
Problem # 4: Men aren’t totally selfish and insensitive. Part of a turn on for most men is pleasing the woman too. In order to do this, men need to know what their woman likes and dislikes. Women don’t usually volunteer this information and it becomes a guessing game.
Solution: The solution is very simple. Have a conversation with your partner about what she likes versus what she doesn’t like. This also gives you an opportunity to volunteer what you like and don’t like. Also, encourage her to communicate during sex or foreplay as to where she wants to be touched, kissed, etc.
Problem # 5: A lot of men say that women are selfish. They want to be pleased, but don’t care to do much to please a man.
Solution: Rather than becoming resentful, you should realize and try to understand that a lot of women bide into the idea that men don’t’ really care for foreplay and the only thing that they want is sex. The first thing you can do is tell you partner what types of things you like during foreplay.
Get her stimulation up to a certain point and stop. Ask her to take a turn on you until you get to a certain stimulation point. Then you’ll take another turn. This is exhilarating for both people involved. Try it if you haven’t already. I think you’ll both be pleased with the results.
Problem # 6: A lot of women leave it up to the man to be responsible for safe sex. They leave it up to the man to have a stock of condoms. What ever happened to women’s lib and taking control of the situation themselves?
Solution: It’s important to remember that no one likes it when someone finds fault with them. So, this issue shouldn’t be posed as if she’s done anything wrong. Preferably, a good time to bring up the issue of condoms would be before sex ever occurs.
If you have an opportunity like this and you’re talking about the possibility of sex, you may want to casually mention that it really impresses you when a woman takes the initiative to have condoms on hand. Since she wants to impress you, she will most likely purchase some to keep on hand.
If you’re already sexually active with a woman, you can try the same approach. If she asks if it bothers you that you’re always the one responsible, you can say that it just impresses you when a woman takes the responsibility. She will also most likely take the hint without getting her feelings hurt.
Problem # 7: A lot of men complain about the “dead fish syndrome”. That is pretty descriptive and we all know that means that during sex, the woman doesn’t move at all.
Solution: Tell her that you love to see her turned on and that it turns you on more. Ask her if she could get into it during sex a little more so that your bodies can move together. You can also explain that if she moves more during sex, it will increase the sensation for her as well.
Problem # 8: Some women don’t appear to be very adventurous and only want to have sex in the missionary position.
Solution: When you’re not in the heat of passion, ask them what sexual positions they’ve tried and which ones they like. Also, at this time, you can tell them which positions you like. Also, volunteer to try new and exciting positions that neither of you have tried.
Problem # 9: Women aren’t aggressive enough during sex or foreplay.
Solution: Did you know that a lot of women have never even tried being aggressive ? It may have never even crossed their minds. You could start by asking them if they’ve ever been aggressive during sex and tell them that once in a while it’s a turn on for you.
If they feel uncomfortable or unsure, reassure them that though it may feel funny at first it might be exhilarating for them. You can start them out slow and tell them that you’d like to see them grab you and force you down on the bed. If that works out, you can move on from there later on.
Problem # 10: Some women don’t make noise during sex. What does that mean? It might make you feel a little self conscious.
Solution: Tell her that if she makes a little noise during sex, it heightens things for you and it also lets you know that you’re pleasing her. Be prepared that she may ask the same from you. Make sure that you’re prepared to deliver.
Problem # 11: Some women aren’t open to experimentation and aren’t creative enough in the bedroom. They seem to be more than creative enough in other areas of their life, but in the bedroom they have little or no imagination.
Solution: Tell her that you’d be interested in trying new things. Don’t expect her to come up with ideas right away as she might have some sort of mental block due to some sexual hang-ups that are beyond her control. If you can come up with some ideas that she’s willing to try, she may open up later and have some suggestions. Make it clear to her that you’re willing to hear and try things that she may suggest.
Don’t be too freaky at first. Suggest things like having sex somewhere other than the bedroom. Try bringing food into your sexual experiences. If she’s receptive to these things, you can move up to bigger things later.
Problem # 12: A lot of women don’t take the initiative to approach you when they want sex.
Solution: This one can be a little tricky. First of all, before you approach her with this, make sure that you’re not approaching her or nagging her all the time for sex. If you are, she may not have had an opportunity to initiate sex.
After you’ve established that you’re not too demanding, ask her if there are times that she has wanted sex when you haven’t suggested it. If the answer is yes, then tell her that you would love for her to come on to you. Tell her not to feel strange and that it would really turn her on.
It’s important not to push this issue to much as it would be very easy for her to take this as she’s doing something wrong or even that she doesn’t want sex as much as you’d like her to want it.
Problem # 13: There’s not enough dirty talk in the bedroom.
Solution: This is another one that can be touchy. Some women feel very self conscious about this as they were taught that it’s not lady-like to say such things. It may sound strange to you, but it’s a very real situation to them.
You can ask them if it’s okay if you talk to them that way in bed, but don’t get too raunchy at first. If they’re receptive to that, then try it and see if they like it then you can tell them that you enjoy that too. Be prepared that they may not know what to say. It’s another mental block in the bedroom that some women have. Don’t feel strange about giving her some suggestions.
Problem # 14: She’s not spontaneous enough for you. Some women are too quick to get into a sexual routine.
Solution: Try being the one to initiate sex spontaneously at an odd time. Don’t be afraid to turn the romance on a little bit to surprise and entice her. After doing that a couple of times and letting her know how much fun you had, tell her that you’d like to continue to be spontaneous like that. Give her some ideas such as having sex in different places or in the middle of the afternoon. Tell her that “quickies” are cool sometimes too. Make sure she realizes that you’re not looking for a quickie all the time, but that once in a while it can be exciting.
Problem # 15: She wants to cuddle too much after sex; sometimes all night.
Solution: Sorry, pal. There is no solution for this one. Anything that you try to do to get out of it is going to make you look like a total creep. So, just deal with it and realize that it’s something that makes her feel secure and special. Basically, suck it up, be a man and be her “cuddle bunny” for the entire night.
The biggest thing to remember in a more pleasurable sexual experience for yourself is that you must communicate with your partner. It’s equally important to make her feel secure. Just as you want to be thought of as a fantastic lover, so does she. For that reason it’s very important not to offend her or hurt her feelings by telling her that she’s doing something wrong.
Instead, it’s best to make gentle suggestions. Also, listen to what they have to say. Listen and be understanding about any sexual hang-ups that they may have due to past experiences. Know that this doesn’t necessarily mean that certain activities or experiments are off limits.
It just means that you should be understanding and patient and possibly help her to tear down some of the barriers she may have that are in her way. Good luck and most importantly, have fun!
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Aaron Boreland was born and raised in New York City. After getting a degree in English at NYU, he spent two years backpacking across the world before returning home. He currently writes for AMOG and spends his time with his wife Diane and his pit bull, Max.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.
Interesting piece