by John Roberts

You are not worse off than your friends because they’re all 27 with kids and a husband and you don’t have either.  The truth is that many of them aren’t happy anyway

Looking for love?  Then why are you always finding the opposite?  Stop blaming the world and listen to me.  Here are the mistakes that many black women make when trying to find true love.  Pay attention, it might change your life.

1)      Keeping a list of rules, standards and expectations:  Do you bring a set of rules and lists with you into every relationship? Maybe a man needs to be a certain height, weight, income level, shoe size or IQ?  If so, just know right now that every man you meet is probably going to come up short.  The new guy always seems nice and shiny, but if you’re seeking perfection, you’ll never find it.

2)      Being a bag lady:  If the last dog you dealt with defines how you’re going to deal with the next man, then just know that by preparing for dogs, you’re probably attracting them.

3)      Not knowing how to love a decent man when you meet one:  If you come into a relationship prepared to play stupid games, this probably means that you’ll run off any decent guy who comes into your life.  I’m one of those “nice guys” with a high income and I can see a nasty woman from a mile away.  Those women do not get my attention.

4)      Feeling pressured to hit certain benchmarks before a certain date:  You are not worse off than your friends because they’re all 27 with kids and a husband and you don’t have either.  The truth is that many of them aren’t happy anyway, and a lot of them have settled with bad men in order to fill their quota.  Just give it five years and you’ll see many of them in divorce court.

5)      Forgetting about the art of being nice:  A lot of black women teach each other to be mean because some of them are mean to each other.  Feminists teach you that being kind and sweet to a man means that you are giving in to him and makes you weak.  Here’s a news flash:  If you’re in love, you’re SUPPOSED to give in to one another.  Men like women who are nice.  Being evil is not sexy, even when you think you have a good reason for being an a**hole.

6)      Choosing flash over depth and substance:  He’s tall, handsome with a nice job.  So what.  Does he love you?  Is he a good person?  Does he have good values?  That’s what’ll make him your husband and not just another guy trying to get into your pants.

7)      No capacity to forgive:  If you allow one little thing to anger you to the point of being unable to forgive and move on, you’re basically killing everything that makes you beautiful.  Don’t do that.  Your man is going to make mistakes.  Prepare to forgive him to save your relationship.  Love is hard work, accept that.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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