by Demola Rewaju

A man who is determined to cheat cannot be prevented from doing so by any means and that is why a woman must try her best to walk away from the man who believes it is his God-given right to have as many women as possible.

The Ese Walter story as much as she recounted it and has it has gone without a rebuttal from the man involved represents a phenomenon that plays itself out countless times in this part of the world every day. A man finds himself confronted with a woman who wouldn’t say no to his advances and they eventually end up in bed. If there is one angle we’ve failed to look at the matter from, it is that of the wife: what could she have done to prevent her husband from sleeping with another girl? Not to lay blames but to draw out the lessons in this saga for those who would learn.

What can a woman do to prevent her man from cheating? The answer is a paradox: she can do nothing for sure but she can do everything and hope for the best.

Since the beginning of time, women have been drawn to men of power like moth is drawn to fire. There are women who lack the guts to build men of power but find the lure of being around such men very irresistible. These women engage in a sort of competition to display themselves before the man, offering him a chance to fulfill his every fantasy with them. Walking away is an unattractive option: these women also form a large bulk of the power base of that man. From politics to business and even religion, a man who does away with women cannot find overwhelming success in most areas.

A man who is determined to cheat cannot be prevented from doing so by any means and that is why a woman must try her best to walk away from the man who believes it is his God-given right to have as many women as possible. There are women who do not mind and some have even accepted it as their lot in life since they also have had romps in their past with men who were married and they go into marriage with the voice of karma ringing in their ear.

For a man who wants to avoid cheating, there is a lot you can do as his woman to help him avoid it. One of the biggest lessons of relationships is growing together. Do not be left behind in anything that your husband does – intellectually, socially, spiritually or physically. You don’t necessarily have to monitor him or become his shadow but keep up at your own pace. If your man of ten years suddenly starts to pick interest in political discussions, don’t lag behind in it or guess what? He’ll be discussing it with the next available woman. This scenario usually plays out most in business. A man’s secretary often knows more about his work than his wife. Everytime the man tries to discuss business with his wife and she demonstrates little knowledge of it, he wishes he was talking with is secretary instead; a very good reason why most men usually get entangled with their secretary.

Looking good is also a major factor. Don’t let the last image of you your husband carries with him on the way out be one of you in your nightgown or worse – with a wrapper tied across your chest. Sure you have a lot of work to do in the morning especially if you don’t have a househelp but try to look good for him. A quick morning shower, mouth cleaning and a change of clothes will leave you smelling fresh and keep you on his mind for some periods in the day.

Without appearing to bug him, always massage his ego. We men always want to feel respected and admired, especially in difficult times and often times, the only woman who provides that feeling is the one who looks up to him. To her, he can do no wrong but to you who has seen his flaws, you can probably highlight some areas where he’s been making mistakes. This article I wrote last year talks about STROKING HIS EGO.

Sexually, let your man know your body is for him anytime (if you are married). I remember a man of God who got to Lagos for a conference and for two days was constantly faced with temptation from a female worker in the church where he had the programme. The woman was assigned to take care of him and she made it clear she was willing to interprete her duty to the letter. The man was working at a desk in the hotel room when this lady came up to him and bent forward to point out something. Her boobs were literally spilling out and the man’s body responded. He admitted that he wanted to grab them there and then but managed to hold back. When I expressed surprise at this, he pointed me to the eighth chapter of the Paul’s letter to the Christians at Rome where it says “And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies” and explained that mortal bodies include the sexual organs. If men are susceptible to sexual temptation, pastors are more so. The man invited (rather summoned) his wife to Lagos to join him for the rest of the convention.

No matter what you do, don’t alert him to the threat of another woman. Some ladies have a habit of pointing out which other lady has the hots for her husband. Some of us don’t even see it until someone points it out to us. ‘Lead us not into temptation’ when we don’t know the way there ourselves.

This does not mean you are oblivious of every threat that surrounds you, it only means you don’t bring them to your husband’s notice. A woman must know more about her husband than he knows about himself and she should gain this knowledge by any means possible but keep it largely to herself.

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Read this article on Demola’s Blog

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.